Category: Perspective

N.55 On Living with Humility

In addition to gratitude, the practice that offers the best chance of relief from our frustrations and anxieties is humility. The complete relinquishing of our ego. That is to say, living as if the ego does not exist. With practice, a person can achieve a humbleness that eases the strain of life by elevating our acceptance of what is to a level of sacredness.

Of course, humility goes hand in hand with gratitude. And it has to begin, I believe, the moment one wakes up each morning. At our first recognition of consciousness. Perhaps with the repeating of an oath. A dedication. A prayer. An accounting of one’s good fortunes, beginning with breath, shelter, the accessibility of food and water. Can we see, stand from our bed, walk? Yes, these things are a miracle. Who is around us? These lives, too, are miracles.

To be successful, or at least to improve our overall well-being, this practice must continue throughout the day, every day, until it becomes instinct. We must acknowledge that the minutes which make up each day are not our own. The minutes are simply time, a measurement, universal and shared. Or maybe not even time at all. This moment before us, it’s simply what is. What we have accomplished or need to accomplish is of no bearing on the true desire and purpose of our soul, which is to be humble, and to love.

I’m not sure we need concern ourselves with anything more. 

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N.54 On Living with Gratitude

On the first page of his book, The World As I See It, Albert Einstein wrote that one hundred times a day he “gave gratitude for all, living and dead, whose labors had contributed in some way to his inner and outer life.” I think what he was saying was that it is important to recognize and appreciate everyone who has impacted our lives in some way, from the most significant contribution right down to the smallest. From those strangers who smile at us on the street to those who established and help maintain a society of relative stability and comfort, in which we currently exist. I can’t think of many ideas I like more than that of showing the exuberant level of daily gratitude Einstein suggests. Trace any number of things we should be grateful for back far enough and we will likely find that we owe thanks to nearly all of humanity. This is a life changing practice, that if adopted widely enough, could also change the world.

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N.51 My Daily Failures

I recently dawned on me that you see me fail far more than you see me succeed.

How am I to feel about this?

Everyday there are lapses. Everyday I am tired. Everyday I am frustrated. There inevitably comes a time each day when I act in a way I tell myself I shouldn’t. Or say something I know I should not say. I go to bed at night and instead of being proud of all the things I did decently or even well, all the times I remained calm, all the obligations and responsibilities I addressed, I am regretful of the lapses in judgement, however minor.

I should amend my opening statement. It may not be that you see me fail more than you see me succeed. It is that the failures, however, that remain in our minds. Goodness is expected, often taken for granted. The hundred small things we do each day out of love for you are easy to overlook. But when I raise my volume in frustration instead of remaining calm, or voice disappointment instead of encouragement, we remember.

A father can strive for perfection, but no matter how hard we try, it can never be attained. As is the case with so many things we do in life, it is the striving to do it better, I believe, that makes the difference.

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N.48 On Finding Peace Amidst the Madness

Today I endured a rant from a person of a certain political viewpoint. It was a rant I could not respond to, not because there was no response to the absurd untruths that were uttered, but because I have learned that debating this particular person only results in a having to endure a lengthier, more aggressive and increasingly absurd tirade. How people can believe the lies they hear without seeking verification, which would easily expose these points as untrue, is astounding. As the rant continued, I slowly made my way, step by step, toward the door. I left in a sweat and drove home wrecked with anxiety over the extreme division in our country.

At home, I felt my heartbeat was irregular and checked my blood pressure. It was 152/92. Never in my life have I had high blood pressure. A doctor visit would be in order, if we were not already overwhelmed with bills. 

As I write, I am listening to an Icelandic opera. Klang Der Offenbarung Des Göttlichen – Teil I & II, by Kjartan Sveinsson. Gorgeous music. This is my therapy, helping to abate the unease I feel rehashing my feelings. At this time in my life, developing a consistent routine of exercise, meditation and relaxation seem critical to longevity. Church, too. Let us always keep the faith.  

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N.46 The Human Race

In his book The World As I See It, Einstein writes, “We exist for our fellow men—in the first place for those on whose smiles and welfare all our happiness depends, and next for all those unknown to us personally with whose destinies we are bound up by the tie of sympathy.” He goes on, “A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to five in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.” This all on the first page. When I read this for the first time, I closed the book and put it down. Not because I did not want to read more, but because I wanted to sit with what I had just read. We are here for each other. Our purpose is to serve our fellow man. A hundred times I day I am thankful to all those who have contributed to make my life what it is today…Here, we are talking about all of human kind. We are all one. Those that may appear to be as different from you and I as one could be still have very in common. We all have many similar desires, many similar dreams. The desires and dreams that are universal the world over. We all want a good home, a safe place to exist with our family, free of threat from other human beings. We all want the opportunity to live with dignity, to be given opportunities to provide, to nourish our bodies sufficiently and without worry to the contrary. We all want friends and loved ones to laugh with and confide in and to support us when we are in need. We all want peace and love in our daily lives. These are the most basic, yet most profound and deeply yearned for desires of the human soul.  

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N.44 On The Pace of Life

You may or may not have noticed that my pace has slowed. Most significantly this past year, as a fatigue has enveloped me that I cannot shake. The speed at which I do things seems a fraction of what it has normally been. I am tired almost all of the time. Everything requires more effort. I actually hope that you have not noticed this, though I assume you have.

Aside from regular physical deterioration, this slowing, to be frank, results from a tiring of life. There is indication of a looming existential crisis I may face before long. Many integral parts of my daily life have become hazardously unmanageable.

This, of course, is no fault of yours. It is my own. The problem, however, is compounded by its impact on other aspects of our life. It causes stress, for one. Your mom and I loose sleep, putting us at an immediate disadvantage each day. I struggle to effectively manage multiple projects, both paid and unpaid, and thus seem to make no real progress on any one thing. I spend early mornings, evenings and late nights, charging forward on my latest “brilliant” idea, reading and thinking and typing, only to see the fire doused the following day by the need to tend to other obligations. Add to this the current disarray in which the world is operating, the seeming deterioration of our morals, terrible inequality and threats again of unrest and war, it is a miracle anyone can keep focus on their own work long enough to accomplish anything.

All of this amounts to a growing concern for our future and yours. What will become of our decaying culture? How will our livelihoods be altered by artificial intelligence, climate change, pollution, disease, political conflict? Every generation of parents grieves over what they believe will be a grim and frightening future for their children. We talk about the “good old days” and lament that they have long passed. You may do the same when you have children.

Let us remember, however, when looking back, most of these concerns turn out to be nothing. You’ll find yourself standing tall one day and marvel over the fact that, somehow, you have made it. I wonder, what was it that concerned me when I was in my 20s and 30s? The issues I faced were monumental at the time, that’s for certain, and yet I couldn’t tell you what they were. My hope is that the concerns I have today will similarly prove to be nothing. Much like the humorous quote many have attributed to Mark Twain (though its origin is disputed). Your Poppy often uses this quote to put into perspective the fleeting nature of all the things we spend so much time worrying about. It goes like this, “I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

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N.43 The Tolstoy of the Zulus

In a 2013 essay in The Atlantic, Ta-Nehisi Coates writes of Saul Bellow’s question, “Who is the Tolstoy of the Zulus?” Analyzing Bellow’s question, Coates makes note of writer Ralph Wiley’s excellent response. “Tolstoy is the Tolstoy of the Zulus. Unless you find a profit in fencing off universal properties of mankind into exclusive tribal ownership.” 

It is good to see things the way Wiley does. Creations as the universal property of humankind.

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N.41 When You Are Happy, I Am Happiest

To observe you all in the kitchen making cupcakes today brought me such joy. For each of you to make your own flavors, each with a unique theme—Nature, Love and Smoothies—was impressive. My joy came not from the actual process itself, which was very messy, but from seeing each of you completely focused, energized and passionate about what you were doing. Taking pride in the activity. Fully invested in the outcome. The best was your giddiness and smiles. My joy came from your joy. As a parent, I realized that when you are happy, I am happiest. 

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N.39 A Quote From A Tarkovsky Film

In the opening scene of Andrei Tarkovsky’s film The Sacrifice the protagonist is shown planting a tree on a desolate coastline with the help of his young son. The man says to his son, “You know, sometimes I say to myself, if every single day, at exactly the same stroke of the clock, one were to perform the same single act, like a ritual, unchanging, systematic, every day at the same time, the world would be changed.” I played this scene back several times to make sure I wrote it down correctly, as the idea of dedicating yourself to a daily ritual seemed worth noting.

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N.38 How We Choose to Spend Our Time

Time, no matter your age, is too precious to let pass without intention. You are the judge of how best to spend your days. Opinions of outside parties needn’t be of much concern. Your accomplishments — the love you share, the friendships you form, the work you do — will make the case for how well you have spent your time. No one else knows what touches your soul, what ignites your emotion. Sitting on a porch, in silence, gazing in wonder at your surroundings, may seem like unnecessary idleness or even laziness to others. However, if this sort of endeavor lifts your spirits, focuses your mind, brings perspective, as it does mine, then do it often, and without remorse. If walking is your thing, or running marathons, or climbing mountains, or making art or starting businesses, then do these things. No one is in complete control of their ultimate destiny. There are far too many variables that come into play. What we can control is how we spend the time afforded us.

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