Category: Humility

N.55 On Living with Humility

In addition to gratitude, the practice that offers the best chance of relief from our frustrations and anxieties is humility. The complete relinquishing of our ego. That is to say, living as if the ego does not exist. With practice, a person can achieve a humbleness that eases the strain of life by elevating our acceptance of what is to a level of sacredness.

Of course, humility goes hand in hand with gratitude. And it has to begin, I believe, the moment one wakes up each morning. At our first recognition of consciousness. Perhaps with the repeating of an oath. A dedication. A prayer. An accounting of one’s good fortunes, beginning with breath, shelter, the accessibility of food and water. Can we see, stand from our bed, walk? Yes, these things are a miracle. Who is around us? These lives, too, are miracles.

To be successful, or at least to improve our overall well-being, this practice must continue throughout the day, every day, until it becomes instinct. We must acknowledge that the minutes which make up each day are not our own. The minutes are simply time, a measurement, universal and shared. Or maybe not even time at all. This moment before us, it’s simply what is. What we have accomplished or need to accomplish is of no bearing on the true desire and purpose of our soul, which is to be humble, and to love.

I’m not sure we need concern ourselves with anything more. 

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N.54 On Living with Gratitude

On the first page of his book, The World As I See It, Albert Einstein wrote that one hundred times a day he “gave gratitude for all, living and dead, whose labors had contributed in some way to his inner and outer life.” I think what he was saying was that it is important to recognize and appreciate everyone who has impacted our lives in some way, from the most significant contribution right down to the smallest. From those strangers who smile at us on the street to those who established and help maintain a society of relative stability and comfort, in which we currently exist. I can’t think of many ideas I like more than that of showing the exuberant level of daily gratitude Einstein suggests. Trace any number of things we should be grateful for back far enough and we will likely find that we owe thanks to nearly all of humanity. This is a life changing practice, that if adopted widely enough, could also change the world.

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N.51 My Daily Failures

I recently dawned on me that you see me fail far more than you see me succeed.

How am I to feel about this?

Everyday there are lapses. Everyday I am tired. Everyday I am frustrated. There inevitably comes a time each day when I act in a way I tell myself I shouldn’t. Or say something I know I should not say. I go to bed at night and instead of being proud of all the things I did decently or even well, all the times I remained calm, all the obligations and responsibilities I addressed, I am regretful of the lapses in judgement, however minor.

I should amend my opening statement. It may not be that you see me fail more than you see me succeed. It is that the failures, however, that remain in our minds. Goodness is expected, often taken for granted. The hundred small things we do each day out of love for you are easy to overlook. But when I raise my volume in frustration instead of remaining calm, or voice disappointment instead of encouragement, we remember.

A father can strive for perfection, but no matter how hard we try, it can never be attained. As is the case with so many things we do in life, it is the striving to do it better, I believe, that makes the difference.

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N.46 The Human Race

In his book The World As I See It, Einstein writes, “We exist for our fellow men—in the first place for those on whose smiles and welfare all our happiness depends, and next for all those unknown to us personally with whose destinies we are bound up by the tie of sympathy.” He goes on, “A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to five in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.” This all on the first page. When I read this for the first time, I closed the book and put it down. Not because I did not want to read more, but because I wanted to sit with what I had just read. We are here for each other. Our purpose is to serve our fellow man. A hundred times I day I am thankful to all those who have contributed to make my life what it is today…Here, we are talking about all of human kind. We are all one. Those that may appear to be as different from you and I as one could be still have very in common. We all have many similar desires, many similar dreams. The desires and dreams that are universal the world over. We all want a good home, a safe place to exist with our family, free of threat from other human beings. We all want the opportunity to live with dignity, to be given opportunities to provide, to nourish our bodies sufficiently and without worry to the contrary. We all want friends and loved ones to laugh with and confide in and to support us when we are in need. We all want peace and love in our daily lives. These are the most basic, yet most profound and deeply yearned for desires of the human soul.  

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N.43 The Tolstoy of the Zulus

In a 2013 essay in The Atlantic, Ta-Nehisi Coates writes of Saul Bellow’s question, “Who is the Tolstoy of the Zulus?” Analyzing Bellow’s question, Coates makes note of writer Ralph Wiley’s excellent response. “Tolstoy is the Tolstoy of the Zulus. Unless you find a profit in fencing off universal properties of mankind into exclusive tribal ownership.” 

It is good to see things the way Wiley does. Creations as the universal property of humankind.

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N.42 “What If” Questions

I find this passage in my notebook.

“What if instead of anger, patience? What if instead of judgment, an attempt to understand? What if instead of hate, empathy? What if instead of war, discussion, negotiation and reasonable compromise?” 

The source of these words is unknown to me. I have searched and come up with nothing. I suppose it is possible that they are my own, but I honestly can’t remember. It does not matter. Whoever wrote it, I like the idea. What if in moments of weakness, when we wish to react negatively, our brain was trained to shut down the harmful reaction, and instead consider the opposite, positive alternative?

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N.36 On Small Acts of Charity

On many occasions throughout my childhood I witnessed my dad giving money to people on the street. It is not because he had extra money to give away. He had a wife and four children to support, and a family business that was on the brink of collapse more than once. He did it because, as he once said, “That person needed the money more than I do.” 

Never overthink charity. Be quick to give. You will certainly hear advice to the contrary. Some will say that the people you are giving money to will use it to buy liquor or drugs. They’ll say that most people on the street are perfectly capable of getting a job. You will hear these people call the homeless all sort of disparaging names. Where this hostility comes from, I can’t speculate, nor can I relate.

My advice to you is to not to concern yourself with what someone might do with a small handout, or why they aren’t gainfully employed even though they appear at first sight to be perfectly capable of work. Discerning one’s situation is not that simple. All you have to know is that they are suffering. If your contribution can in any way ease their despair, even for a short time, it is worthwhile.

A person on the street does not want to be there. This is not how they saw their life going. To be on the street is a desperate and dangerous predicament and to me it does not matter how they got there. Maybe they weren’t born into an environment that offered the opportunities you have been afforded, and therefore have been at a disadvantage from the start. Maybe they have an affliction or an addiction they cannot overcome. Maybe their story is even more tragic.

Whatever circumstances brought about their homelessness, there are a few things of which you can be certain. You are lucky, they are not, and showing compassion is never the wrong choice. It is our duty.

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N.34 On Diversity

Embrace diversity. Make friends with those of ethnic, geographic and socioeconomic backgrounds that are different from your own. Try to better understand life through the eyes of others. Open your heart. Cultivate empathy. Study culture. Read widely the books of authors from other parts of the world. Learn a second language. A third and fourth, if you are inclined. Travel. Wherever you go, greet people with a smile.

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N.31 A Dream About Purpose

Last week I had a dream that replayed vividly in my mind the moment I awoke. What I remembered of this dream was a scene that took place in a doctor’s office. The very doctor’s office I visit when I am sick, with my actual doctor, Dr. M__, looking just as she did the last time I saw her, more than five years ago. My memory of the dream picks up at the very moment a diagnosis was being delivered. Dr. M__ stated, very matter of factly, that I had two years to live. I reacted to this final verdict with the calmness and practicality of one who had long been prepared for such news. Somehow, I was okay with it. The comfort, I believe, was due in part to the knowledge that I would have time to finish this book. I had two full years. My focus was now singular. Complete this book. All else fell away. What a gift!

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N.30 On the Recounting of Past Sins

In my life, there are many things I have done that I am ashamed of, most of which happened in my youth. I am sure there are many fathers that would attest to the same. I am not a brave enough person to confess these mistakes to you. I understand an argument can be made to the value of my teaching “lessons” based on personal errors in judgment. Lesson’s learned the hard way, as they say, that through their telling could prevent you from suffering a similar mishap. It could be that such a book would require multiple volumes, and I do not have the time nor the desire to carry out such an examination of the poor decisions I have made over the course of my life. 

Therefore I rely the Buddhist philosophy that states there is no past, nor a future, only the present. Besides, how many father’s bare their most humiliating sins to their children? And would you not have skipped a chapter titled “My Sins” should I have included one? If you for some reason wish I had delved into the dark recesses of memory, read St. Augustine’s Confessions and apply whatever of his sins to me that you wish. I have only read excerpts of his tell-all diary, but am sure that of his sins I have committed many. There. Done. 

Which brings me back to the point of this book, which is simply to leave some piece of my soul for you. You, the dearest of all that is meaningful in my life. You, that brings me the greatest joy in life. You, to whom I devote my undying love and support. You, to whom I wish to remain close to forever. And since forever is only possible in the spiritual realm, an unknowing and often questioned realm existing only in faith, I must take advantage of what we have for certain, which is this moment, and leave you this small book that I hope will make clear just how much I love you. 

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

—Lao Tzu

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