A Letter To My Daughters - Dear B, D, & E, This book is simply a collection of thoughts and ideas based on personal observation. Things I have come across or pondered that I wish to make note of for you. Much of this was written by way of voice recordings taken while on walks, hikes, or driving from one place […]
N.1 The Answer To Life’s Greatest Question Is… - Not long ago I had an unusual dream. In the dream I saw myself as if from another’s perspective. I was standing in a field, alone. The sun was shining. The sky was blue. As I stood still there in the field, I had a premonition. I was awaiting something of great importance. The meaning […]
N.2 Failures, Digressions, and A Wish - Striving daily to be a dedicated and loving father should be the priority of all whom are afforded the privilege. It is mine, though I admit to my limitations. Fathers are prone to make mistakes. While regrettable, failures are inevitable. I do, however, work to evolve as a father, and constantly make efforts to improve. […]
N.3 A Dream Within A Dream - Considering again my recent dream in which the meaning of life was communicated to me, I’m beginning to think that my memory of waking up and repeating the answer quietly to myself over and over was actually an extension of the dream, or a dream within a dream. I suppose that does not change the […]
N.4 The Numenous - I know not everything I write in the coming pages will have value to you. This book will almost certainly contain passages that you will consider irrelevant, off the mark, and even ridiculous. I expect to ramble at times and am sure to contradict myself more than once. To be honest, none of this matters much to […]
N.5 Love - Re-reading the previous sentiment (N.4), I realize that the phrase “I love you” is used so frequently it no longer conveys just how profound a feeling it is to really love someone. Perhaps, if you can hear me say it, hear my voice, and that will give it weight. Close your eyes and listen. “I love you. Can you hear […]
N.6 Wants and Needs - At the writing of this book, I am 45-years old. Your mother, the same. As adults in their mid-40s go, we are relatively healthy, or so we’ve been told. We live in a small, but adequate apartment, high in the mountains of Colorado. Through windows on the north side stands a tall mountain that over millions of years […]
N.7 The Lottery of Birth - The greatest lottery in human history is played out at birth. This is something you can never forget. The circumstances of your birth set your life in motion. Knowing that I will never fear for shelter or a meal is credited first and foremost to the infinitesimal probability that I was born at this time […]
N.8 Perspective - In 2013, I was in New York City for a book event and took a cab to a meeting in midtown. The driver was from Sierra Leone and had lived in the United States for twelve years. When I asked if he returned to Sierra Leone often, he told me that he did not, though […]
N.9 Contentment - Considering what is important in life it becomes clear to me that my family is all I need to be content. Your presence, your smiles, your own contentment and happiness. As a family, we are close. Despite the occasional arguments, we love one another. We laugh, cry, and pray together. I am blessed to have you in my life.
N.10 To Fathers - To fathers who may read this, I encourage you to write down some of your own thoughts and feelings. Explain in simple terms what it is about your child, or children, that brings you joy. A single letter is enough to communicate your deepest feelings. A letter will also help you to avoid getting bogged […]
N.11 Relationships -
We are fortunate to have good relationships with our extended family. You have wonderful grandparents that cherish their time with you. With friends we never have issues. With those who have differing and even off-putting opinions, we find ways to base our relationship on common ground. It is work, but the rewards far outweigh the effort.
What seems illogical or even ridiculous to you will make perfect sense to someone else. Try to remember this and avoid being judgmental. Be a friend. Show compassion. Help others to carry on.
N.12 Solitude - The decision to retreat daily to a remote mountain cabin came after a stream of news so consistently maddening I felt on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I had become addicted to the news feed and spent a good portion of the day agonizing over what I could do as a writer to allay the precipitous […]
N.13 The Mindset of A Child - Below is a passage I came upon in Frederick Nietzsche’s Untimely Meditations. It seemed important to pass along. “This is the means by which an inquiry into the most important aspect can be initiated: let the youthful soul look back on life with the question ‘What have you truly loved up to now; what has […]
N.14 Contentment - Somewhere I heard the phrase “restless striving.” This phrase has stayed with me, as I feel it very well describes the state in which many of us live. Perhaps it is our restless striving that carries so many of us from one phase of discontentment to another. Soren Kierkegaard wrote, “Anxiety is the dizziness of […]
N. 15 Values - In The Jolly Corner Henry James writes “Proportions and values were upside-down.” I underlined and boxed in this sentence when I first read it, as it felt a most concise and accurate way to describe our society today. More, bigger, me, mine. That, to a large degree, is who we are, not just as a […]
N.16 Singing - At your ages – 12, 10, and 7 – each of you still sings in the shower. Loudly, as if no one else is in the house. You have all done this since you were small. A child’s singing is one of the most beautiful things that can grace a parent’s ears. I pray that […]
N.17 People and Cultures - Educate yourself on the ways of cultures different from your own. If not for any other reason than to understand others, and maybe yourself, a little better. The more of us who do this, the greater the benefit to humanity. Open your mind and even critique your own culture, modifying your beliefs and actions to […]
N.18 Time of Your Own - The times I have felt most content and in the moment correlate almost perfectly with a peak level of freedom. In other words, I feel best when I am most free. Or when we, as a family, are most free. And by free, I mean unfastened to external ties. From the people and systems and […]
N.19 Money vs. Experience - While you must be wise with your money and careful to limit excessive expenditures, you will never regret spending on a worthwhile experience. What I’ve found is that in time you will forget how much money was spent on an experience, leaving only the cherished memory of the experience itself.
N.20 On Being Made Fun of and How You Might Handle It - When you told me that you had heard from a friend something a certain girl had said about you that was unkind, I sat you down and gave you the best advice I could think of. This morning, when I woke I wanted to write that advice down as best as I can remember it. It […]
N.21 Leading by Example - If I had the time, I would write a book titled Curriculum For A Noble Leader. Compelling title, right? Simply sketching this title on a sticky note and pasting it above my desk might inspire me to be a better father, a better person. A leader is not just one who holds political office or […]
N.22 On Religion, Understanding and Goodness - Believe what feels right to you, not what someone tells you is right to believe. What better guide do we have than our own soul? Only by adhering to that which stirs within us will we be fulfilled. I have friends who are Christian, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim, and Buddhist. Their religious affiliation has no bearing on my relationship […]
N.23 On Nature - I have never been one to learn the scientific name of every plant, flower, bird, cloud formation or the type of rock that makes up a mountain. Of course, the labeling and categorization of such things provides the entry point to a deeper understanding of nature, and I do admire those who pursue and delight […]
N.24 Bedtime - Tonight you were upset that you had scored poorly on a practice spelling quiz. You got 8 of 20 correct. You began to cry and put your head down on the table. I tried to explain that there was no need to get upset. I knew you could do better, and with a little practice, […]
N. 25 Recurring Failures - I am often of the opinion that, as a father and husband, I am not enough. I am not doing enough, providing enough, achieving enough. I am not bringing enough enthusiasm or positivity to our household each day. I am not wise enough, and therefore I’m making poor decisions and saying the wrong things. The […]
N.26 On Art - In addition to spending ample time in nature, immerse yourself in the beauty of humanity’s creations. Read the great works of literature, the books of the most distinguished philosophical thinkers, the speeches, essays, and manifesto’s of the world’s most astute minds. Become well versed in the fine arts. Spend time in the world’s most cultured cities. Appreciate […]
N.27 Language - One lament of the digital era is the diminished value of the written word. The words of intellectuals and scientists have lost power in today’s culture. Most of us do not have the patience, nor the desire to think deeply enough on a topic to comprehend a well-reasoned position based on fact and logic. Today, […]
N.28 Anxiety - Soren Kierkegaard wrote, “Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” That is so often the truth, in times of peace and prosperity. When things are going well. When food is plentiful, you have adequate shelter, and there is no real fear for your safety or the dismantling of a civil society. In other words, when we […]
N.29 On Regaining A Child’s Perception of Time - As a child the passage of a single day seemed to last a lifetime. Time, as I perceived it in my youth, was a slow moving current that carried me through each day. When I entered my late teens and early twenties time began to speed up. After college, time accelerated even more and since […]
N.30 On the Recounting of Past Sins - In my life, there are many things I have done that I am ashamed of, most of which happened in my youth. I am sure there are many fathers that would attest to the same. I am not a brave enough person to confess these mistakes to you. I understand an argument can be made […]
N.31 A Dream About Purpose - Last week I had a dream that replayed vividly in my mind the moment I awoke. What I remembered of this dream was a scene that took place in a doctor’s office. The very doctor’s office I visit when I am sick, with my actual doctor, Dr. M__, looking just as she did the last time […]
N.32 On Observation And The Recognition of Magic - Be aware of the things around us that bring about a feeling of magic. Be attentive. Observe keenly. Listen. As V.S. Naipaul wrote in The Enigma of Arrival, “see the way weather and light redesigns disregarded things.” During a summer road trip we listened to a reading of this passage by the Norwegian author Karl […]
N.33 Seek Not Recognition - Do not pursue anything for sake of obtaining credit or recognition, fame or glory. Few will be impressed by what you do. And those that are, won’t be for long. Why does another’s admiration matter anyway? Strive to accomplish something because it is right and good. Strive for your own quiet pride. That should be enough.
N.34 On Diversity - Embrace diversity. Make friends with those of ethnic, geographic and socioeconomic backgrounds that are different from your own. Try to better understand life through the eyes of others. Open your heart. Cultivate empathy. Study culture. Read widely the books of authors from other parts of the world. Learn a second language. A third and fourth, […]
N.35 The Roll of Ambassador - Everywhere I go, I make a concerted effort to act as ambassador, representing whatever label might be attached to me in a given place. For example, when I travel abroad, I act as an ambassador to my country. When I interact with people of different ethnicities, I see myself as an ambassador to my race. […]
N.36 On Small Acts of Charity - On many occasions throughout my childhood I witnessed my dad giving money to people on the street. It is not because he had extra money to give away. He had a wife and four children to support, and a family business that was on the brink of collapse more than once. He did it because, […]
N.37 Appreciation of Special Moments - Each day brings at least one special moment. A moment that call fill you up if you don’t rush past it. Today it was the first ever email sent to me by B_. It read, “Hey, Dad. This is my email.” Something about this is so extraordinarily special.
N.38 How We Choose to Spend Our Time - Time, no matter your age, is too precious to let pass without intention. You are the judge of how best to spend your days. Opinions of outside parties needn’t be of much concern. Your accomplishments — the love you share, the friendships you form, the work you do — will make the case for how well […]
N.39 A Quote From A Tarkovsky Film - In the opening scene of Andrei Tarkovsky’s film The Sacrifice the protagonist is shown planting a tree on a desolate coastline with the help of his young son. The man says to his son, “You know, sometimes I say to myself, if every single day, at exactly the same stroke of the clock, one were […]
N.40 The Path To Creativity - Embrace music, languages, mathematics and reading. Wharton professor and author of Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World, Adam Grant, referenced an interesting study, which showed that Nobel Prize winning scientists are twice as likely as their peers to play a musical instrument, seven times as likely to draw or paint, twelve times as likely to write fiction or poetry, and […]
N.41 When You Are Happy, I Am Happiest - To observe you all in the kitchen making cupcakes today brought me such joy. For each of you to make your own flavors, each with a unique theme—Nature, Love and Smoothies—was impressive. My joy came not from the actual process itself, which was very messy, but from seeing each of you completely focused, energized and […]
N.42 “What If” Questions - I find this passage in my notebook. “What if instead of anger, patience? What if instead of judgment, an attempt to understand? What if instead of hate, empathy? What if instead of war, discussion, negotiation and reasonable compromise?” The source of these words is unknown to me. I have searched and come up with nothing. […]
N.43 The Tolstoy of the Zulus - In a 2013 essay in The Atlantic, Ta-Nehisi Coates writes of Saul Bellow’s question, “Who is the Tolstoy of the Zulus?” Analyzing Bellow’s question, Coates makes note of writer Ralph Wiley’s excellent response. “Tolstoy is the Tolstoy of the Zulus. Unless you find a profit in fencing off universal properties of mankind into exclusive tribal ownership.” It is good […]
N.44 On The Pace of Life - You may or may not have noticed that my pace has slowed. Most significantly this past year, as a fatigue has enveloped me that I cannot shake. The speed at which I do things seems a fraction of what it has normally been. I am tired almost all of the time. Everything requires more effort. […]
N.45 On Emerson - Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” He also wrote, “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” And, “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to […]
N.46 The Human Race - In his book The World As I See It, Einstein writes, “We exist for our fellow men—in the first place for those on whose smiles and welfare all our happiness depends, and next for all those unknown to us personally with whose destinies we are bound up by the tie of sympathy.” He goes on, “A hundred times […]
N.47 A Letter Written To Your Mom On November 9, 2016 - The following letter was written to your mother while on a flight to Savannah, Georgia, to speak at a children’s book festival. November 9, 2016 Dear H_, I will try not to speak much more of this, but I do want you to know where I stand on the president elect. This man is a […]
N.48 On Finding Peace Amidst the Madness - Today I endured a rant from a person of a certain political viewpoint. It was a rant I could not respond to, not because there was no response to the absurd untruths that were uttered, but because I have learned that debating this particular person only results in a having to endure a lengthier, more aggressive […]
N.49 More Thoughts On Love - In life, avoid the trivial and the superficial. Anchor your life to the things that are good and timeless. Kindness and compassion for others, for instance. Showing love to your friends and family in your regular interactions. Showing love to strangers by way of simple acts. Make these things the foundation of who you are. […]
N.50 An Approach To Life, In Summary - Devote energy to yourself and those you love. Only speak nicely of others, and if you can’t, keep quiet. Avoid reality television shows that showcase the worst of human nature. Do the same on social media. Allocate more time to learning about people who are doing or have done something good for the world. Avoid […]
N.51 My Daily Failures - I recently dawned on me that you see me fail far more than you see me succeed. How am I to feel about this? Everyday there are lapses. Everyday I am tired. Everyday I am frustrated. There inevitably comes a time each day when I act in a way I tell myself I shouldn’t. Or […]
N.52 On Thoreau - Henry David Thoreau wrote, “Our life is frittered away by detail…simplify, simplify.” He also wrote, “For my greatest skill has been to want but little.” And, “In wilderness is the salvation of the world.” And, “Must the citizen ever for a moment, or in the least degree, resign his conscience to the legislator? Why has […]
N.53 A Few of Your Father’s Favorite Sayings - Lest you one day forget, as I am certain to, I want to record a few of my favorite fatherly sayings: “Change your attitude to one of gratitude.” “There are two ways to handle a situation: The calm way, and the wrong way.” “The first and last thing you should do each day is to […]
N.54 On Living with Gratitude - On the first page of his book, The World As I See It, Albert Einstein wrote that one hundred times a day he “gave gratitude for all, living and dead, whose labors had contributed in some way to his inner and outer life.” I think what he was saying was that it is important to recognize and […]
N.55 On Living with Humility - In addition to gratitude, the practice that offers the best chance of relief from our frustrations and anxieties is humility. The complete relinquishing of our ego. That is to say, living as if the ego does not exist. With practice, a person can achieve a humbleness that eases the strain of life by elevating our […]
N.56 My Love For Your Mother, Part I - Meeting your mother for the first time is the most important event in my life, and sadly, I don’t clearly recall how it happened. We were 14-years old, freshmen in high school. We didn’t have a class together, but we would have passed each other in the halls each day and at some point we […]
N.57 My Love For Your Mother, Part II - What began as a friendship was made stronger by a mutual attraction and when we were both seventeen we began what you might call our “official relationship.” The relationship we entered into at this young age shaped the remainder of my life and resulted in yours. However, it was not an easy, uncomplicated path to the marriage. […]
Notes From A Father 