Category: Love

N.24 Bedtime

Tonight you were upset that you had scored poorly on a practice spelling quiz. You got 8 of 20 correct. You began to cry and put your head down on the table. I tried to explain that there was no need to get upset. I knew you could do better, and with a little practice, you would. You did not want to hear it. You started to cry even harder. I stood up and walked into my bedroom, needing to regroup. A moment later, you got up from the table and stormed off. I could hear your footsteps thump across the floor and up the stairs. I felt things were suddenly spiraling out of control.

A few minutes later I found you sitting at the top of the stairs, working on your spelling words. You were determined. I grabbed a pillow and joined you, sitting a few stairs below. As a show of support, your little sister appeared with your white bear, “Snuggy,” handed it to you, and asked if we could take a break so she could read us a poem she had written about wanting to be a colorful rainbow.

When you took another practice exam, you got all but one correct. You were so proud. I was, too. At bedtime, you asked if I would lay with you, just for a few minutes. You draped your am over my shoulder, and my arm was draped over yours. I wondered about the love you felt for me in that moment. The happiness, security and contentment. What was it like? Was it similar to what I felt? An overpowering love. A love greater than one can fully comprehend. Did you love me that way? Is that what you felt? I hoped so, for if you, my children, love me as much as I love you, there seems is little else we need in life. 

With you girls, I know this will change in time. The love you now reserve exclusively for your mother and I will eventually shift to someone else. It is hard to imagine, but one day there will be another lying there with you, your arms draped over one another’s shoulders, staring into one another’s eyes, the love between you a feeling as close to bliss as you may ever experience. I know this because I have felt it with your mother. In fact, I still do.

Posted on by A.R. Vaughn 0

N.22 On Religion, Understanding and Goodness

Believe what feels right to you, not what someone tells you is right to believe. What better guide do we have than our own soul? Only by adhering to that which stirs within us will we be fulfilled. I have friends who are Christian, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim, and Buddhist. Their religious affiliation has no bearing on my relationship with them. I respect their beliefs and they respect mine. One commonality between them, they are all good people.

The major religions of the world preach peace and compassion as a fundamental principle. Be a good person. Demonstrate kindness. Help people when the opportunity arises. If you can do this, it does not matter if you believe that extraterrestrials created humanity simply to entertain themselves. That said, it may not be wise to bellow such a belief. On that point, it is not wise to bellow any belief. Harmony is achieved through tolerance and respect.

We are connected and aligned by way of the commonalities of the human experience. Regardless of beliefs, we all share many of the same hopes and dreams — we all want peace, opportunities that will help us provide for our families, freedom, the safety of friends and loved ones, the overall wellbeing of humanity and our planet. These things benefit every single person on earth, and thus striving for them is our universal purpose.

Of course, we are unlikely to ever see such collaboration on a global scale. What is in our control, however, is our personal approach to interacting with others. In considering the wellbeing of humanity, all we can do is bring our best self to the people with whom we interact each day. Hopefully, doing so will inspire those we encounter, who may then bring the best version of themselves to their network of friends, family, and colleagues, and on it goes. Cynics may scoff at the idea, claim that such kindness will make us vulnerable, warn that you’ll be taken advantage of. So when it comes to individual relationships are we supposed to live as skeptics? Worried all the time about other’s true motives? That is not the way I care to live. I would prefer to embrace others, guided by the assumption, which isn’t even a conscious thought, that they are good at heart. Be kind and good to others and I think many will pay that goodness forward. That’s it. 

Posted on by A.R. Vaughn 0

N.18 Time of Your Own

The times I have felt most content and in the moment correlate almost perfectly with a peak level of freedom. In other words, I feel best when I am most free. Or when we, as a family, are most free. And by free, I mean unfastened to external ties. From the people and systems and the devices that impose varying levels of control over our lives. 

I’ll give you some of my favorite examples. The day I drove from the coast to the summit of Mauna Kea to sit in the snow and stare out over the Pacific Ocean. An experience I had dreamt of for 25 years. During the entirety of this excursion the thought of an obligation to another never entered my mind. Or the time I went on a long walk in the desert near Uluru. The silence that morning was so complete the rest of world seemed not to exist. Or the time I sat for hours in the lobby of our hotel in Marfa while all of you busied yourselves with crafts at a nearby table. In this particular place, I had no cell service. A powerful storm thrashed the hotel’s floor to ceiling windows that afternoon. It was mesmerizing to watch. In those hours I was completely unburdened, untouchable, impervious even to the concern I would soon feel over how to pay for our road trip.

These are the rare pockets of time that have been wholly my own. And though only a temporary reprieve from life’s obligations, these moments are critically important to our well-being. I do love visiting with friends and family and meeting new people. I do love my work. But I long for undisturbed time with you. For undisturbed time with your mother. And for undisturbed time alone. 

Posted on by A.R. Vaughn 0

N.11 Relationships

We are fortunate to have good relationships with our extended family. You have wonderful grandparents that cherish their time with you. With friends we never have issues. With those who have differing and even off-putting opinions, we find ways to base our relationship on common ground. It is work, but the rewards far outweigh the effort. 

What seems illogical or even ridiculous to you will make perfect sense to someone else. Try to remember this and avoid being judgmental. Be a friend. Show compassion. Help others to carry on.

An individual’s views and opinions are made up of an amalgamation of life experience, including upbringing, environment, education, one’s understandings and misunderstandings of how the world works, as well as numerous other variables. Most are not easily swayed from their opinion. In fact, many become angry and even defiant when their position is challenged, even in instances when the opinion they hold can be easily disputed. While making an effort to listen to opinions that, on the surface, I disagree with, and being open to consider what merits these positions may hold, I have, in general, made a habit of avoiding conversation that will stir up contentious emotions, especially with those whom I love and care for. There is no point in it, less making clear to both parties that your positions are at irreconcilable odds. 

There is a reason those who practice law spend countless hours preparing an argument before trail. To expect a well thought out argument from a non-expert at a family gathering or dinner with friends is unrealistic. What you are getting from an individual in most cases is how this person feels. Unless you are an expert in the matter, you can only assess whether or not these feelings mesh with your own, then decide whether or not to make your own feelings known. What you risk, should your feelings differ from a loved one, is the deterioration of a relationship that is important to you. 

People with high moral standards may tell you that one should not refrain from making known the principles upon which they construct their lives, especially when opposition to those principles is being voiced, regardless of how it may impact one’s relationship with another. I do not think this is the best course of action. I have loving relationships with a number of people who have strong opinions contrary to my own. My relationship remains strong largely because I avoid discussing divisive topics and do my best to divert the conversation to a different topic when necessary. Instead of harboring ill will toward that person as a result of these differences, I choose to focus on what it is I love and admire about the person. While frustrating at times, exercising restraint in order to maintain a healthy relationship with those I care about is far and away the better option. This is just my humble opinion. 

Posted on by A.R. Vaughn 0

N.10 To Fathers

To fathers who may read this, I encourage you to write down some of your own thoughts and feelings. Explain in simple terms what it is about your child, or children, that brings you joy. A single letter is enough to communicate your deepest feelings. A letter will also help you to avoid getting bogged down with anything as long-winded as this. You can be certain, regardless of what you leave behind for your children, this letter will be one of their most cherished possessions.

Write a letter that lets your children know how you feel about them.

Posted on by A.R. Vaughn 0

N.9 Contentment

Considering what is important in life it becomes clear to me that my family is all I need to be content. Your presence, your smiles, your own contentment and happiness. As a family, we are close. Despite the occasional arguments, we love one another. We laugh, cry, and pray together. I am blessed to have you in my life.  

Posted on by A.R. Vaughn 0

N.5 Love

Re-reading the previous sentiment (N.4), I realize that the phrase “I love you” is used so frequently it no longer conveys just how profound a feeling it is to really love someone. Perhaps, if you can hear me say it, hear my voice, and that will give it weight. Close your eyes and listen. “I love you. Can you hear my voice? I love you dearly and always will.” I hope you can feel that love each time you read this book. Even after I am gone.

There is no greater pleasure I have known than to love another. The love a husband has for his wife, a parent for their child, is the most powerful and sensation we experience. Love connects us with the divine, erases for a time all that ails us, fills us up with bliss. What love inspires – the euphoric emotion, the lightness of being, the outright neglect of our troubled thoughts – is the optimal state of being.

Ironically, throughout your life, love will also be the cause of significant pain. This is due to the complexity of human relationships. Pain will be caused by misunderstandings, disagreement, and even mistreatment. This is inevitable and you will have to learn to cope with it by whatever methods suit you. However, do not confuse misunderstanding and disagreement with mistreatment. Should you ever be mistreated by a person you love take the time to reevaluate the relationship. Seek trusted advice from friends, family members, or even professionals, if necessary. They will likely confirm your own thoughts and help determine whether or not the relationship is worth carrying on. 

Posted on by A.R. Vaughn 0

N.2 Failures, Digressions, and A Wish

Striving daily to be a dedicated and loving father should be the priority of all whom are afforded the privilege. It is mine, though I admit to my limitations. Fathers are prone to make mistakes. While regrettable, failures are inevitable. I do, however, work to evolve as a father, and constantly make efforts to improve. Sometimes I succeed. More often, I digress. Each day there is one constant. Regardless of whether I have done well or poorly, whether I am in good spirits or bad, an immense love for you burns within me.

Should I die tomorrow what of my life would hold any enduring value to you? The sound of my voice, words I have spoken, memories of our experiences together, in time these things will be misremembered and eventually forgotten. After I have disappeared from this world what part of me, what product of my existence, what rendering of my soul, will remain? 

There is, of course, each of you. The result of your mother’s and my existence and therefore proof that we have lived. Pocahontas, on her deathbed, is rumored to have said, “All must die, it is enough that their child lives.” A child is a parent’s most significant contribution. That contribution can be a gift to the world, of minimal consequence, or a blight. 

Because your mother and I have brought you into this beautiful and mad world, it is our responsibility to impart to you certain values that may encourage you to live a well-examined and meaningful life, a life that assists in some small way in making the world a better place. To make an impact, however small, while living contently and with gratitude, that is our wish for you. 

Posted on by A.R. Vaughn 0