Category: Humility

N. 25 Recurring Failures

I am often of the opinion that, as a father and husband, I am not enough. I am not doing enough, providing enough, achieving enough. I am not bringing enough enthusiasm or positivity to our household each day. I am not wise enough, and therefore I’m making poor decisions and saying the wrong things. The frustration and exhaustion come over me are more powerful than my strength to overcome.

All I can do to remedy this is apologize. Each day brings small successes and seemingly larger failures. It is the failures that linger. When they occur, I sit with regret, analyze what I have done wrong, vow to improve. Sometimes I succeed, other times, clearly, I do not. Here’s something you may not know. Just as children wish to please a father, a father wishes to please his children, to make them proud of the father that he is. I can only hope that the cumulative effect of my efforts over the course of my life, all the successes and failure, brings about the desired result.

Posted on by A.R. Vaughn 0

N.21 Leading by Example

If I had the time, I would write a book titled Curriculum For A Noble Leader. Compelling title, right? Simply sketching this title on a sticky note and pasting it above my desk might inspire me to be a better father, a better person. A leader is not just one who holds political office or military rank, runs a company or leads an organization. Any individual can be a leader. Opportunities present themselves every day. Lead by way of quiet action.

Come to think of it, Plato may have already addressed this topic, rather meticulously, too, I imagine, in his book The Republic. On The Republic, Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Burn the libraries; for their value is in this book.” Given Emerson’s endorsement, I think my book would probably be redundant, not to mention remarkably inferior. Okay then, maybe this project is unnecessary, and since I don’t have the time anyway, let’s forget it. What I need to do instead is read The Republic and report back to you. I think I can make time for that, but we’ll see.

Posted on by A.R. Vaughn 0

N. 15 Values

In The Jolly Corner Henry James writes “Proportions and values were upside-down.” I underlined and boxed in this sentence when I first read it, as it felt a most concise and accurate way to describe our society today. More, bigger, me, mine. That, to a large degree, is who we are, not just as a society, but a species.

This is simply an opinion, of course, although one which most people I speak with agree. Let’s assume I am correct and that our proportions and values are upside-down. How do we bring about necessary positive change? The opposite view, I suppose, would be “Less, smaller, you, yours.” This seems an approach far more in line with appreciation, compassion, sustainability, and peace.

However, this is quite altruistic and therefore only a dream with no potential of wide acceptance, much less practice. So, how do take real, practical steps in this direction that will ultimately flip our proportions and values right side up? Are we, as a society and species, able to shift our world view from more to less? From me mindset to one that focuses on service to others? 

There is only one person we are in control of. Therefore, any change we wish to see in the world begins with us. Aspire to live simply and with humility. To treat people with respect. To be kind and help others. This is not as easy as it sounds. It takes extraordinary devotion. Mental and emotional rigor. Again and again we will be tested, and so we must make it our deepest desire and mission in life to be a light in the world.

Wake each day and before you rise from bed say a prayer for guidance to this end. Then set about your day with a quiet resolve to influence by way of action. To set a positive example that others will follow. To lift the spirits of others. That, I believe, is the best we can do.

“Display those virtues that are wholly in your own power — integrity, dignity, hard work, self-denial, contentment, frugality, kindness, independence, simplicity, discretion, magnanimity.”  —Marcus Aurelius

Posted on by A.R. Vaughn 0

N.8 Perspective

In 2013, I was in New York City for a book event and took a cab to a meeting in midtown. The driver was from Sierra Leone and had lived in the United States for twelve years. When I asked if he returned to Sierra Leone often, he told me that he did not, though he still had family and friends there that he had not seen in a long time. I thought for a moment that maybe this man was here against his will, simply because there was employment to be had, and otherwise would have returned to Sierra Leone to be with his family.

I asked, “Do you prefer living in the United States or Sierra Leone?” 

The man laughed aloud and then apologized for doing so. “I do not mean to be rude,” he said. “It is just that your question is like asking me if I’d prefer living in heaven or hell.” 

This is the type of perspective that can only be gained through experience. Seeing the world with your own eyes. Absorbing humanities deepest miseries with all of your senses. If only I could have kept this awareness in the back of mind, allowing myself to be subconsciously guided every hour of every day by it, I may have discovered a steady sense of contentment and gratitude at my place in this world.

Let’s expand on this point with what Carl Sagan called the “Pale Blue Dot.” What he is referring to is the view of earth from outer space. It appears a lonely spec in a vast universe. Sagan said that astronomy is a humbling field study, able to relieve one from the delusion of self-importance. The view of our tiny planet from space illustrates this point. From the perspective of the infinite universe, you and I do not even exist. Ironically, I find comfort in this.

Our lives are small, even those that seem big. They are over quickly, even those that last 100 years. In the words of economist John Maynard Keynes, “In the long-term, we’re all dead.” So what do all the trivialities in our lives really matter?    

Posted on by A.R. Vaughn 0

N.6 Wants and Needs

At the writing of this book, I am 45-years old. Your mother, the same. As adults in their mid-40s go, we are relatively healthy, or so we’ve been told. We live in a small, but adequate apartment, high in the mountains of Colorado. Through windows on the north side stands a tall mountain that over millions of years has taken the form of an offshore ocean swell rolling slowly toward the coast. Near the summit are sloping meadows of evergreens and aspens. In mid to late September the aspen leaves turn gold. In winter, the upper reaches are white with snow. When summer comes the trees bloom once again and the mountain turns bright green. The view of this mountain is altered daily by sunlight, clouds, even rainbows. We have called this place home for over ten years and to this day the view never fails to inspire. More than once, while peering at the mountain through the upstairs bedroom window, my eyes have filled with tears. 

At this age, I have little in the way of material possessions that concern me. My wedding ring. An acoustic guitar. The pocket bible of a friend who died young. A Hermes tie from his father that I wore to my friend’s funeral, and later his father’s. A pair of moccasins bought in Taos for my first born by another friend who also died young. A few boxes of old photographs. A significant number of books. Some journals and personalized notes from my parents and your mom. A series of three portraits depicting each of you that were painted by a local artist. These are my most cherished possessions. At the moment, I don’t know that I need anything more. 

Life, however, is not quite as simple as I have made it sound. I’m often confused as to the purpose of my constant striving. Monetarily, we never seem to have enough and this causes great strain. I never stop thinking and am almost always exhausted. Is there one thing that will make me content once and for all? What is it that will help us, as a family, attain a sustainable happiness? Is it more money? A larger home? Some greater level of achievement? Stronger faith? 

A recurring burden is the sense that we must have more. It has been my wish to move you girls and your mother into a more spacious home, leaving behind this small apartment and the neighbors who lack decency enough to keep their homes neat and tidy. A home that makes you excited to invite friends over to spend the night. With each passing day, this urgency grows. I want to put you in a better place, it is my greatest desire, yet I have not been able to figure out a way to do so. 

While this anxiety builds, I cannot help but acknowledge the fact that our family needs little else. We live in what I believe is one of the most beautiful towns in the world. A town with excellent schools, friendly people, and low crime. A town where people think and dream big. Granted, this is due in part to the fact that they can afford to, but that does not diminish the value of such ambition. After all, imagining something is achievable is the first step in actually achieving it. Having been able to create a life in this town, for me, is a victory in itself. 

Posted on by A.R. Vaughn 0