N.48 On Finding Peace Amidst the Madness

Today I endured a rant from a person of a certain political viewpoint. It was a rant I could not respond to, not because there was no response to the absurd untruths that were uttered, but because I have learned that debating this particular person only results in a having to endure a lengthier, more aggressive and increasingly absurd tirade. How people can believe the lies they hear without seeking verification, which would easily expose these points as untrue, is astounding. As the rant continued, I slowly made my way, step by step, toward the door. I left in a sweat and drove home wrecked with anxiety over the extreme division in our country.

At home, I felt my heartbeat was irregular and checked my blood pressure. It was 152/92. Never in my life have I had high blood pressure. A doctor visit would be in order, if we were not already overwhelmed with bills. 

As I write, I am listening to an Icelandic opera. Klang Der Offenbarung Des Göttlichen – Teil I & II, by Kjartan Sveinsson. Gorgeous music. This is my therapy, helping to abate the unease I feel rehashing my feelings. At this time in my life, developing a consistent routine of exercise, meditation and relaxation seem critical to longevity. Church, too. Let us always keep the faith.  

N.47 A Letter Written To Your Mom On November 9, 2016

The following letter was written to your mother while on a flight to Savannah, Georgia, to speak at a children’s book festival.

November 9, 2016

Dear H_,

I will try not to speak much more of this, but I do want you to know where I stand on the president elect. This man is a virus, and his poison will spread.

I will not allow our daughters to be told that this thrice married, serial adulterer is a “good person” with “good family values.” They do not deserve to be deceived by adults who blindly support him. Our girls are being raised to be self-assured and compassionate, and will likely contribute in ways small and large to the betterment of society. As they grow older they will understand the truth about this man. History will not be kind to him, that is assured. But if we remain silent, we default our position to the wrong side of this embarrassment, as those in fervent support, we know, will continue to speak loud and often in his favor.

This man is delusional and dangerously ignorant, a gross narcissist, the type of person I loathe, and the antithesis of the person I wish our daughters to be as adults. We must teach our girls to verify information, to identify and dismiss those with questionable morals, to recognize hate speech, to expose untruths. In short, I want our daughters to stand up against those who disregard human decency, who berate, oppress and bully others. If our girls were older, I would hope that they would be appalled that an individual of such appallingly amoral character can become the President of the United States. God willing, the younger generation will never allow something as disgraceful as this to happen again. 

Remember that this is a man whose supporters’ chant, “Lock her up!” at his provocation, and “Make America Great Again!” The latter taken, by the way, from Ronald Reagan’s campaign slogan, “Let’s Make American Great Again.” Is America not great already? How many of these people who rally around this slogan, I wonder, have ever traveled outside the United States? And even those that have, how many have traveled in the third world? Was our country not great after we elected our first black president? Have we already forgotten that the Obama administration helped prevent a second Great Depression? Unemployment is currently at 4.2%, the stock market, after falling by more than 50% under George W. Bush, is at record highs. Retail and real estate markets are booming. Overseas conflicts have been deescalated. The U.S. economy, our freedom, our opportunities are the envy of the world. I understand that there are still millions who suffer, who feel neglected and unheard, but it is unfortunate that those who chant “Make America great again” do not appreciate just how much better our country is after eight years of the Obama presidency. 

Though a false narrative, Make America Great Again has become the rally cry for an almost exclusively white base of economically frustrated, disenfranchised and disillusioned, anti-Hillary and anti-Democrat men and women, but more frighteningly, it is being trumpeted by racists and white supremacists. Dangerous people have been empowered by this man’s election. They now feel vindicated after eight years of a black president, but their anger will not be subdued by the president elect, it will only be stoked. “This is serious, folks,” wrote a friend following the election. “T_ gets elected. T_ gets impeached. T_ calls on his heavily armed supporters to resist…America has a big problem.”

Whether we get through the next four years safely or descend into civil unrest, today begins a sad and tragic period in our nation’s history. My fear is that at the end of this we will no longer be great. Our country has elected a racist, chauvinist, megalomaniac; a man who faces dozens of allegations of sexual harassment and assault; a man who has been involved in over 4,000 law suits; a man who says climate change is a “Chinese hoax” and has campaigned on burning more fossil fuels, spewing even more pollutants into the air we breathe and the water we drink, exacerbating health problems in our children and accelerating the changes we are witnessing in the earth’s climate; a man who has made a career of insulting others, has virtually no knowledge of foreign policy, and even less ability to take on the roll of a diplomat. How could this possibly end well? The entire world will suffer from this election, and sadly, the negative effects of his presidency, of his cruel and vengeful ways, will be felt well into the future. 

Do not ignore the angry and obnoxious comments he has made about women, Mexicans, Muslims, veterans, war heroes, the handicap, and war. Read the stories told by the women who have accused him of sexual assault, including his first wife. Look at the photographs of he and his third wife in their grotesquely gilded Manhattan penthouse. As a businessman, developer, husband and father, the man is a disgrace. As president, he is absolutely horrifying.

To those who say he will put the best people in place, I have doubts. I cannot see this man surrounding himself with intelligent people the way previous presidents have done. Appointing intelligent people into his cabinet would only spotlight his inadequacy. A man of his conceited nature could not tolerate such a demoralizing blow to his ego. Remember, this is a man who does not read. His words: “I don’t have time to read…I have a good brain…I go with my gut.” He gets the majority of his information from his own propaganda machine, and communicates with juvenile Tweets. 

As parents we must begin with our children. The solution lies in the education and moral development of America’s youth. We will stand for what is good, for what is right. We will lead by example. Everyday, we will be the antithesis of our nation’s president.

Please forgive my rant. I am extremely frustrated.

All my love, A.R.V.

N.46 The Human Race

In his book The World As I See It, Einstein writes, “We exist for our fellow men—in the first place for those on whose smiles and welfare all our happiness depends, and next for all those unknown to us personally with whose destinies we are bound up by the tie of sympathy.” He goes on, “A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to five in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.” This all on the first page. When I read this for the first time, I closed the book and put it down. Not because I did not want to read more, but because I wanted to sit with what I had just read. We are here for each other. Our purpose is to serve our fellow man. A hundred times I day I am thankful to all those who have contributed to make my life what it is today…Here, we are talking about all of human kind. We are all one. Those that may appear to be as different from you and I as one could be still have very in common. We all have many similar desires, many similar dreams. The desires and dreams that are universal the world over. We all want a good home, a safe place to exist with our family, free of threat from other human beings. We all want the opportunity to live with dignity, to be given opportunities to provide, to nourish our bodies sufficiently and without worry to the contrary. We all want friends and loved ones to laugh with and confide in and to support us when we are in need. We all want peace and love in our daily lives. These are the most basic, yet most profound and deeply yearned for desires of the human soul.  

N.45 On Emerson

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” He also wrote, “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” And, “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” And, “People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character.” And, “You become what you think about all day long.” And lastly, from his essay Self-Reliance, “Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.” This is why we visited his grave in Concord, Massachusetts. Read and reread Emerson.

N.38 How We Choose to Spend Our Time

Time, no matter your age, is too precious to let pass without intention. You are the judge of how best to spend your days. Opinions of outside parties needn’t be of much concern. Your accomplishments — the love you share, the friendships you form, the work you do — will make the case for how well you have spent your time. No one else knows what touches your soul, what ignites your emotion. Sitting on a porch, in silence, gazing in wonder at your surroundings, may seem like unnecessary idleness or even laziness to others. However, if this sort of endeavor lifts your spirits, focuses your mind, brings perspective, as it does mine, then do it often, and without remorse. If walking is your thing, or running marathons, or climbing mountains, or making art or starting businesses, then do these things. No one is in complete control of their ultimate destiny. There are far too many variables that come into play. What we can control is how we spend the time afforded us.

N.30 On the Recounting of Past Sins

In my life, there are many things I have done that I am ashamed of, most of which happened in my youth. I am sure there are many fathers that would attest to the same. I am not a brave enough person to confess these mistakes to you. I understand an argument can be made to the value of my teaching “lessons” based on personal errors in judgment. Lesson’s learned the hard way, as they say, that through their telling could prevent you from suffering a similar mishap. It could be that such a book would require multiple volumes, and I do not have the time nor the desire to carry out such an examination of the poor decisions I have made over the course of my life. 

Therefore I rely the Buddhist philosophy that states there is no past, nor a future, only the present. Besides, how many father’s bare their most humiliating sins to their children? And would you not have skipped a chapter titled “My Sins” should I have included one? If you for some reason wish I had delved into the dark recesses of memory, read St. Augustine’s Confessions and apply whatever of his sins to me that you wish. I have only read excerpts of his tell-all diary, but am sure that of his sins I have committed many. There. Done. 

Which brings me back to the point of this book, which is simply to leave some piece of my soul for you. You, the dearest of all that is meaningful in my life. You, that brings me the greatest joy in life. You, to whom I devote my undying love and support. You, to whom I wish to remain close to forever. And since forever is only possible in the spiritual realm, an unknowing and often questioned realm existing only in faith, I must take advantage of what we have for certain, which is this moment, and leave you this small book that I hope will make clear just how much I love you. 

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.

—Lao Tzu

N.29 On Regaining A Child’s Perception of Time

As a child the passage of a single day seemed to last a lifetime. Time, as I perceived it in my youth, was a slow moving current that carried me through each day. When I entered my late teens and early twenties time began to speed up. After college, time accelerated even more and since then it has continued to gather speed with each passing year.

I think this holds true for most. That’s why the expressions “how time flies” and “seems like only yesterday” are so often used when discussing the past. I have read that our perception of this acceleration is due to the actual measurement of a unit of time over the whole of our lives. When we are young, an hour accounts for a far greater percentage of our total life. As we grow older, an hour becomes a smaller and smaller fraction of our total time on earth. 

Whatever the cause, I have been working on ways to slow down my perception of time. One way is to simply sit still. Stillness, without distraction, slows time. Some days, when I get home before your mother and am excited for her return after another day of work, I stop all that I am doing and wait. I put away my phone, close my computer, I don’t even reach for a book. I just sit and breathe. I believe it is exacerbated by my anxiousness for her arrival, but in these moments time slows significantly. 

As for how to slow time during other periods of the day, and do so routinely, so as to expand our conscious lifetime, I will be sure to let you know as soon as I figure it out.

N.22 On Religion, Understanding and Goodness

Believe what feels right to you, not what someone tells you is right to believe. What better guide do we have than our own soul? Only by adhering to that which stirs within us will we be fulfilled. I have friends who are Christian, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim, and Buddhist. Their religious affiliation has no bearing on my relationship with them. I respect their beliefs and they respect mine. One commonality between them, they are all good people.

The major religions of the world preach peace and compassion as a fundamental principle. Be a good person. Demonstrate kindness. Help people when the opportunity arises. If you can do this, it does not matter if you believe that extraterrestrials created humanity simply to entertain themselves. That said, it may not be wise to bellow such a belief. On that point, it is not wise to bellow any belief. Harmony is achieved through tolerance and respect.

We are connected and aligned by way of the commonalities of the human experience. Regardless of beliefs, we all share many of the same hopes and dreams — we all want peace, opportunities that will help us provide for our families, freedom, the safety of friends and loved ones, the overall wellbeing of humanity and our planet. These things benefit every single person on earth, and thus striving for them is our universal purpose.

Of course, we are unlikely to ever see such collaboration on a global scale. What is in our control, however, is our personal approach to interacting with others. In considering the wellbeing of humanity, all we can do is bring our best self to the people with whom we interact each day. Hopefully, doing so will inspire those we encounter, who may then bring the best version of themselves to their network of friends, family, and colleagues, and on it goes. Cynics may scoff at the idea, claim that such kindness will make us vulnerable, warn that you’ll be taken advantage of. So when it comes to individual relationships are we supposed to live as skeptics? Worried all the time about other’s true motives? That is not the way I care to live. I would prefer to embrace others, guided by the assumption, which isn’t even a conscious thought, that they are good at heart. Be kind and good to others and I think many will pay that goodness forward. That’s it. 

N.12 Solitude

The decision to retreat daily to a remote mountain cabin came after a stream of news so consistently maddening I felt on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I had become addicted to the news feed and spent a good portion of the day agonizing over what I could do as a writer to allay the precipitous divide in our country. A division I worried might lead to civil unrest. The tumultuous state of our nation had me questioning whether the strides we had made toward becoming a more civilized society had been little more than blissful illusions.

I committed to drive up to the cabin each day, a 25 or so minute commute from town, and spend my time working in solitude without distraction. The cabin, I should clarify, was in fact a beautiful old home perched on a ridge overlooking Wildcat Valley, entrusted to us when vacant by the home’s kind and generous owners. You will remember it as you grow older, I hope, from occasional weekends spent exploring the property, playing board games, reading by the fire, and watching movies in the basement. 

Aside from swearing off news in order to maintain my sanity, I set to focus only on the things that truly mattered. I would not waste time on issues that were superficial or beyond my control. My attention would be dedicated to those things people reflect upon at the end of lives – the rich and important stuff — you being at the top of that list. I desired more undisturbed time with you and would work to approach each engagement with the same mindset from which you, a child, would approach it. My work, obviously, remained important. I would spend the better part of each day fulfilling obligations the best I could. Obligations, mind you, I was fortunate to have. Beyond that there was need for something else. A project of larger significance. 

I asked myself several questions. They were self-centered questions. Questions purely of the ego. What would I like to leave when I am gone? What sort of contribution do I wish to make to the world? How would I like to shape my legacy? 

At this point in my life, what I had to leave for you would have been of little consequence. Even today, well into this project, I do not know whether the end product will ever be read, much less have any real value. With that awareness, I suppose my only comfort is that an effort is being made. 

Over the years, I spent many days at the house in the mountains working in a spacious office above the garage. Every time I was there I would leave feeling that this was the only place for me to do good work. Every other option – coffee shops, the library, a ranch office where I work on the adventure book series, even my home office/library/playroom, which happens to be my favorite room in our home – had far too many distractions to undertake concentrated work.  

During a long day at the house I would get the urge to move and change scenery. The remedy was a short walk through a cluster of Aspen trees to the gently sloping hill behind the house. Often I would take a seat on a low, flat rock that stuck out of the grass, as this rock had, over geological time, developed comfortable contours for sitting. From the rock I could overlook the valley and enjoy the warmth of the sun. 

This became the spot where on days of good weather I would sit and read or think or repeat quietly The Prayer of Jabez. “Oh Lord, that you will bless me indeed and enlarge my territory. That your hand will be with me to guide me, to keep me from evil so that I may not cause pain.” This is a prayer I had learned of by way of a book our friend had given your mom and I to read after I had admitted to her that I had never been able to pray for myself.

My interpretation of the prayer is that it is a request to God to expand our influence and keep us on a righteous path so that we might do some good for the world. In such as setting, overlooking the valley that ran to the high peaks of the Elk Mountains, prayers were often drawn from me as if summoned by nature. The rock where I sit is fully exposed, and on sunny days in the winter it attracts enough heat to keep me warm. In the summer the rocks warmth is soothing for a time, but will eventually grow uncomfortable, so after fifteen or so minutes I simply change locations, moving up the hill where I can sit in the shade of a pine tree and resume whatever I am doing — reading, thinking, praying, usually a combination of the three.  

The first snow of this year came on October 1. Aspens and cottonwoods stood like golden torches, setting the mountainside ablaze, while the sagebrush on the arid slopes looked like it had been painted garnet and amber. The cabin was built at an elevation of approximately 8,150 feet and the temperature this day hovered right around freezing, so the snow was wet and heavy. The snow collected on limbs, bending them like arches. Two large limbs had already snapped by the time I had arrived at the house. More were sure to succumb to the weight. As anxious as I was to sit at the desk and get to work, I was unable to ignore the trees. I had a responsibility to care for this space that had been loaned to me, and that responsibility extended to the trees, as they added much value to this sanctuary. 

Pulling my hood over my head and securing it tightly around my face, I ventured out, gloveless, to shake the accumulating snow from the bending branches. One by one I grabbed the limbs and shook, creating a micro-blizzard each time. Every second or third limb I would have to stop and tend to my hands, which burned from the cold. Then I would begin again. I did this until every tree and shrub around the home had been relieved of its weight. It was a particularly rewarding start to the day.

That afternoon, as I packed up to leave for home, I realized that had I not taken the time to shake the trees free of snow that morning, I would have accomplished absolutely nothing of any value the entire day.

Beautiful autumn snow in the Rocky Mountains.

N.4 The Numenous

I know not everything I write in the coming pages will have value to you. This book will almost certainly contain passages that you will consider irrelevant, off the mark, and even ridiculous. I expect to ramble at times and am sure to contradict myself more than once. To be honest, none of this matters much to me. Of course, you will think your father longwinded and disagree with him on many subjects. That is natural. My aim, above all, is to inspire you to think. To look beyond the facade of a reality ill constructed by society and decipher, on your own, life’s greater purpose. To be willing and able to alter your lens and view things through enlightened eyes will open you up to experience what the German theologian, Rudolf Otto called the “numenous.” Awe-inspiring moments in which one is afforded a “glimpse of the divine.” This book, I suppose, is my contribution to that end. At the very least, I hope for that purpose you find it useful. Above all I wish for you to remember one thing – I love you.