Tonight you were upset that you had scored poorly on a practice spelling quiz. You got 8 of 20 correct. You began to cry and put your head down on the table. I tried to explain that there was no need to get upset. I knew you could do better, and with a little practice, you would. You did not want to hear it. You started to cry even harder. I stood up and walked into my bedroom, needing to regroup. A moment later, you got up from the table and stormed off. I could hear your footsteps thump across the floor and up the stairs. I felt things were suddenly spiraling out of control.

A few minutes later I found you sitting at the top of the stairs, working on your spelling words. You were determined. I grabbed a pillow and joined you, sitting a few stairs below. As a show of support, your little sister appeared with your white bear, “Snuggy,” handed it to you, and asked if we could take a break so she could read us a poem she had written about wanting to be a colorful rainbow.

When you took another practice exam, you got all but one correct. You were so proud. I was, too. At bedtime, you asked if I would lay with you, just for a few minutes. You draped your am over my shoulder, and my arm was draped over yours. I wondered about the love you felt for me in that moment. The happiness, security and contentment. What was it like? Was it similar to what I felt? An overpowering love. A love greater than one can fully comprehend. Did you love me that way? Is that what you felt? I hoped so, for if you, my children, love me as much as I love you, there seems is little else we need in life. 

With you girls, I know this will change in time. The love you now reserve exclusively for your mother and I will eventually shift to someone else. It is hard to imagine, but one day there will be another lying there with you, your arms draped over one another’s shoulders, staring into one another’s eyes, the love between you a feeling as close to bliss as you may ever experience. I know this because I have felt it with your mother. In fact, I still do.